It can be worse

That small bit of positive thinking is the old remedy of reminding ourselves why if we find ourselves in a bad situation, it isn’t as bad as it seems. Or the words of wisdom that my mom would tell me: “God tightens His grip but does not asphyxiate”.  None of these help me because there is no point on dwelling on the thousands of ways how things can be worse than they are.

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This is when I go and watch the one thing that would help me view the world in a better light:

thetrailerparkboys

The Trailer Park Boys. It’s a fictional comedy show filmed in Canada and it just helps me calm down about those awful moments in life.

Why does this show help? Well for one thing:

-The three main characters (Julian, Ricky and Bubbles) characters try all kinds of things to not become wage-slaves

-They voice their anger.  And don’t care about who they offend.

-They try their best to help each other out, screw up and are still friends.

-They get in trouble, go to jail, get in trouble again and well, they still have hope in reaching their goals.

I recomend this show to anyone. It’s worth watching when everything else fails.

Clear blue skies

I am finding myself daydreaming and regularly dreaming of the option of returning to PR with cutie.  From a logical standpoint it does sound ridiculous considering all of the cons of living there:

-Constant basic utility interruptions (water, electricity, internet, phone service, etc).

– High unemployment (people with MBAs still working at fast-food joints).

-High crime rate. Don’t even get me started on the “tecato tax” to pay at a public parking lot!

-High costs on utilities and transportation services.

On the other hand, if such a a thing were to occur, it may not sound so bad.

Why do I feel like this? Well, for one thing, I miss seeing the clear, bright blue skies there:

playa sucia

Some how, there is a healing power emanating from spending a day at a place like Playa Sucia pictured above.  Spending the day outdoors in the winter where everything is asleep (leafless trees, yellowed grass, occasional snow) does not provide the same effect:

example of southern winter

Fed up?

Seven years ago I viewed things very differently from how I view things now. I was in my twenties who saw this mystic land land of opportunity as the only way to live a better life. But its not the land that has changed my view:

-Southern office politics are the worst!

-Irresponsible attitudes from my peers and friends on accountability, relationships, etc. (Maybe I am being too harsh on them).

-High taxes on everything and rising costs of living.

I know I should keep in mind that a change in the current lifestyle will have a dramatic effect on our lives because we are used to the nuances of where and how we live at the moment. A move to ANY place will be expensive and would have to justify all of the hard work that would be placed behind such a move. Not to mention that we do have friends and family in this state (from Cutie’s side of the family).

Maybe I am just homesick. Or something more.

I visited my family last Xmas. A lot of them barely remembered me (due to Alzheimer’s). I saw how age was  starting to affect their health and how the opportunities for spending time with them were becoming less and less. I also know for a fact that my brother is not the most responsible person in the world and should anything happen to my aging parents, I would have to be available to help take care of them. I am also concerned about how Cutie would adjust to a completely different and a lot slower lifestyle with not having much to do.  But I am jumping the gun here. I would have to wait and see how other things will roll out.  Regardless of the outcome,  I just want to live life in peace.

 

Practicing an old skill

While growing up, I wanted to get as many clothes for my dolls as possible. Since my family was broke 99% of the time, my mom decided to teach me how to sew.  As the years progressed, my projects became bigger and then smaller based on my wants and needs.  When I didn’t feel like buying a small coin purse, I made one. When I was too broke to buy a pair of jeans, I would get hand-me downs from friends and family and then I would tailor them to fit.  I even made my own blouse to wear when I was 10 years old (too bad it didn’t last long 😦 ).

I am at a point at my life where I don’t have to make anything if I want or need it. But buying everything does lose its appeal with time.

This is what I am working on:

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It doesn’t look like much now, but this is will eventually become a purse. Purses activate my  unnecessary spending binges from time to time. So why not try to control them a little by making one myself?

Since I am not using my sewing machine, the process is taking LONGER than I anticipated. I wish it wasn’t broken.  I hope by the time I finish this project, I will be able to control my urge to just buy another purse when I see one.  And maybe train me in the art of delayed self-gratification.

 

 

 

Time for myself

So in a weird twist of things, I went out to eat by myself after another sucky day at work. No Cutie or female friends- just me and indulging at my favorite Vietnamese Restaurant. 

It would be the first time I would go to eat at this place alone. Some women would have rather go to a spa to indulge in getting facials or pedicures than to go out to eat by themselves.

Honestly, I wished the restaurant delivered.  The weather was cold and wet with darkening gray.

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But when the large bowl of pho came to me, the grayness and cold dissapeared. I beheald the soup as if it were a gift from the gods.  Peace and harmony were  simmering with the perfect balance of flavors.  The consumption of the pho was regenerative, to say the least. The more I consumed, the more “drunk” I became from it. My vision became shrouded by a thin veil of pink. Soon, I expanded to the point of forcing myself to stop.

I ceased consuming and looked around me at the restaurant. Since it was Thursday, it had very few customers. The Food Channel was blaring loudly from a nearby TV. Somehow I’ve managed to tune out the noise in the mist of steam from the pho. The thin pink veil that became part of my vision was still present. My reflexes were slow, and feared to leave my seat.

The time to return to my home was approaching. So I packed what was left of my ambrosia and paid the bill (with tip!). And walked onward into the cold darkness.

I cannot be the only one who feels like this…

Today was one of those days when I am just DRAINED. Mentally drained and feeling defeated. The feeling of being defeated because of working 9 hours in an unhappy work environment. The drainage from training someone who takes notes and does not study them and then cleaning up the mess made before nightfall.

I could be called selfish, self-centered, etc if I voice out my need to be completely by my fucking self after such a day. Hell, I could even be called a wimp considering the mental stress at a desk job would never hold a candle to say, fighting crime or saving lives.

Funny Workplace Ecard: I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.

I don’t fucking care.

At my work place, there was a Vietnam Combat Vet who was deployed 2 times and we would chat during break. Before he retired from his office job, I once asked him which type of stress would he have been better off handling. He answered he would prefer to be in the middle of combat again over handling the stress at the office. He explained that in the middle of combat, the stress is high, but it does not last 8-1o hours as the stress at the office. According to him, once the gunfight was over, the rest of the time it was just plain boredom.

This struck my curiosity and it almost made me want to trade places with him. Almost.

I once saw one of my ex-Marine co-workers break down and cry to one of my supervisors because she couldn’t handle 2 jobs at the same time. The sad thing is that she a) volunteered to do them both for a shot at a promotion and b) she would brag everyday on how she served in Iraq  and can “thrive under stress”.  Later on she got the promotion and I pray NEVER to work under her (else I’d quit!).

I’d rather be a wimp than a tough person if it meant not being able to keep my cool. I’d rather be anti-social and take the time to be by myself than to try to take on more than I can chew. Its selfish and inhuman but at the workplace why drop your guard?

Its a fact that even the nicest coworker would chew your head off for a promotion.

Funny Workplace Ecard: Tuesday means we're a day closer to a weekend spent dreading Monday.

I can’t wait for Friday…