Not emo. Only a realization.

It just occurred to me. Probably the reason why it has been hard for me to make friends in this country is because of my issues.  And the reason why I was able to make friends in the US is because the people I befriended were mentally unstable.

Unstable, as in each person has a mental illness that would help bankrupt Obamacare because it would take ten more years of treatment for a breakthrough.

I miss my friends a lot and accept them for their messed up selves.  The funny thing is that they are functional (they have jobs and families to take care of). So the stigma of mental illness that becomes a thorn on the approved health reform is bullshit.

I know that when I go out and run errands, that I am not normal. Actually I am quite disoriented because I still can’t find my way around this big city.

But I am trying to find my way, and slowly but surely I do get things done.  I try because I have to. Because no one else is going to work things for me.

It is at times when I have to go and drive somewhere that I wish I has infinite wealth so that I can afford a personal assistant to run errands for me. That and a therapist to help me conquer my fears.

But that is not going to happen.

So I suck it up and try to avoid getting help due to expense. Because of my health insurance, I have to pay everything upfront and file a claim so that hopefully I can get most of my money back. Money that I don’t have because I am unemployed.

So what is an unemployed woman to do but to try to help treat herself: yoga, tea and lavender sprays.

And continue searching for work that may make my condition worse because of my anxiety issues. So the cycle continues :/ .



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