Not dead yet.
Digging out of the world of virtual books, late-night coding and numbers to write freestyle.
My schedule this semester has been horrible and I have been counting the days until it will all be over and at the same time dreading tests. I hate tests even when they are stupid-easy. Especially in subjects like science and math.
I have been stressed out with school work while at the same time been scouring the area to see what potential employers want out of a newly-minted programmer with a business background. What I have found has been disappointing: a constant need for over-achievers or “geniuses” that have little to no real life experience in the work force and willing to take a pay cut out of desperation in spite of paying up the nose for an education. Some were even willing to sponsor a few international students if they accepted even lower compensation offers. I gave several out of state employers my resumes, in spite of the fact that they will end up as recycled toilet paper to be sold at Wal-Mart. At least I know what to expect once I graduate.
On the home front, I am constantly pained with feelings of failure and dread. I ask myself over and over if this whole thing is worth it, if this whole journey is worth ruining the lives of others in order to pursue this knowledge that I desperately seek. I tried to seek it out on my own, but I needed help. And so here I am, attending university again and trying again to carve out a better life. After this journey ends is where I have to decide to quit the pursuit of a better life and do something else. A last resort option would be to create my own business but even that is a huge risk.
Time for more coffee….