I gave my own eulogy


I think this is one of the most messed up speeches I had to give (apart from giving corporate speeches at my last job).  Since my Communications Class counted this speech as a test grade, there was no way to get out of this assignment.

Part of my assignment involved critiquing other people’s eulogies. You could tell the eulogies given by my classmates had long laundry lists of accomplishments and dreams (as required). They all shot for the moon and stars in their lives.

I, however, wanted to shoot other people’s pimps as one of my accomplishments.

For a person who suffers from depression, this was a bad idea. It did, however, brought out my creative side:

1- During my lifetime, I beat up a pimp named Fernando and helped his ex-prostitute, Nadia Burns, start a new life. Nadia was the character I had to pretend to be in order to give my own eulogy.

2- I lived my life with a similar eccentricity as Bilbo Baggins.

3- My last request was for my urn to be placed in a liquor cabinet next to a good bottle of sake.  It did not matter whose liquor cabinet it is.

At the end of my speech, I tried to evoke the ethos required to give a good speech. I tried to cry a bit, but ended up sounding like I had a frog in my throat.  In short, if it weren’t for the fact that I need to study for a test tomorrow, I would go home and hit the bottle. Or eat my weight in food.

You’d have to be on crack to do this type of assignment. And I did it sober 😦 .




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