Screaming in the Closet-Rants

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This anxiety thing is starting to mess with my head.

I woke up yesterday wanting to get rid of some of my belongings by donating them to the Salvation Army. I finally did that and I felt so much better.

But after I felt that “release”, every time I looked at my closet, I just wanted to scream. Scream at it because there is so much stuff in there. It is like I have forgotten how much crap I own and the sight of it hits my face, whip-lash style.

I have been getting these “screaming moments” more and more. Cutie has had to convince me for the 11th time that I don’t have a lot of stuff and there is no need to donate anything. He said this is what is called “general anxiety”. Which is a bummer.

None of if makes sense

It doesn’t make sense. I would be fine, then I would see something or be around someone and it would set me off into this “screaming moment”. I already asked my therapist to put in a request for me to see an actual psychiatrist for medication, but she warned me it could take months. It would be quicker for me to go to my General Practitioner and ask for meds, but the danger in that is 1) high possibility of over-medication and 2) high possibility of being prescribed the wrong medication because he is not a specialist. If I wanted to be a medical guinea pig, I can go to the university and sign up as one. At least the university would pay me (sorta?).

The Work Fairy/Luck/Whatever Has Blessed Everyone Except Me

This may sound ridiculous, but there has to be more than luck and hard work that is needed to land a job in this area.

Seriously. A friend of mine got FIRED a month ago because he asked his supervisor why she was being a bitch.  This has happened in spite of him consuming these like Skittles:

zanax

The following month, he decided to enroll in university, then got a job at the university’s bookstore, in spite of last month’s fiasco. In a perfect world, a lack of professionalism and decor would have buried this man’s job prospects in the entire state. But this isn’t a perfect world or even a perfect state. Hell this has happened in spite of living in a state that is allergic to unionization. So he must have blown the Work Fairy for that job because I certainly would not have hired him for anything, in spite of him being a “hard-worker”.

I have been torn between getting a part time job (and risk lowering my GPA) or just to focus on raising my GPA so that I can get an internship somewhere. Whether I can get an internship this semester, it will depend on this year’s career fair.

apathy_mcs

 

 

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