It has been a rough semester. My grades weren’t decent and because of that, I had a nervous breakdown. The possibility of losing my financial aid hit me so hard that I was a mess. Cutie helped me come to my senses, and I realized that at my age, I should know better. My mind and body were reacting to a doomsday scenario created by my insecurities and fears. Not doing well wasn’t the end of the world when Cutie (who survived A GODAMMED WAR ZONE) wasn’t worried. More like upset on how I handled a setback. That is when I decided enough was enough.
I wasn’t sure if my PCP would prescribe something to help me deal with my anxiety (and the beginning of a relapse of my depression) but he did! Armed with a prescription and getting a new therapist is what gave me the strength to try meeeeeee……dd…..ssss so that I can deal with the crap life gives me without falling apart. My old therapist did not take my concerns about my increased anxiety seriously, which goes to show that you don’t need an MSW to be dismissive.
The Half White Pill
So damn tiny. And since I was flying to visit my family, I thought why the hell not try it out? The first few days on it were weird: I would caffeine crash faster during the day, lose some focus but I was feeling overall mellow and relaxed. I was overjoyed with that feeling. I felt (and still feel) that I can handle whatever crap life gives me. That feeling is liberating because it is the same feeling of hope. And hope is that drive that I need to keep moving on while entering in a tough field. The half of that white pill was put to the test while driving to my parents’ house from the damn airport. The roads were SHITTY (almost busted a tire twice with those potholes) and cursed halfway through rush hour traffic. But I got a grip on the situation and I handled it pretty well, making it to the house exhausted and with an undamaged rental car.
Not looking to get high
I feel as mellow as Tommy Chong (without the weed). My perspective on how I see the same places and people are changing. I can handle my mom’s b.s. better. But half of that white pill does not prevent conflict and I have to keep as alert as possible. Overall, my mood is being content with life in general. Which is something I have spent YEARS searching for. If things don’t work out for me, I could convince Cutie to live in the country somewhere, far away from the assholes in the city. Where its nice and quiet. I think the hippies were on to something.